Thursday, August 5, 2010

Love: A Tragedy

It was a Saturday morning when I met him, in a popular gym along Ayala Avenue. I noticed him staring but he wasn't my type: too short, too thin, too bald, but Mike pointed out he was cute and that it is always a good idea to take a chance. So I said hi, we exchanged numbers. By the time I finished taking a shower, I figured he already left. He was waiting for me at the lobby. He asked if I wanted to have dinner.

We ended up in KFC. His name was Daniel. We stood in line and talked, and I noticed he had a nice, impish smile. Mike was right, I needed to take chances. He wanted to pay for dinner, I said I don't want to impose, he pointed out that I can always pay next time. Next time, I liked the thought of that.

***

We'd been dating for a month, and I remember thinking that this is what love is: passion, sex, joyful routine. His world was mine, and my world was his. He proposed marriage; I said don't be silly, but I texted all my friends. I was giddy, and there was a small (very small!) part of me that wanted to rub my happiness in the face of the world at large. My friends said they were happy for me. I believed them.

***

I was starting to notice small things that made me uncomfortable. He enjoyed attention (he was a struggling actor), and flirted with anyone with two legs. He expected me to always pay for dinner and dates. There was one time he borrowed money for rent. He never paid me back. And always, always, he wanted my time. I was never there for him enough, he said, and he was right. His world became too small to be my world; I needed more. We rarely fought, but the few times we did, he said my anger made me a monster. He said he has no idea what could set me off.

***

It was a Friday morning when I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. It was him. He said he found someone else. We lasted three months.

***

It was tradition: dinner with close friends as breakup therapy. They said they never liked him, he had the look of a gold digger. It was better for me to walk away they insisted. I drank some more vodka and agreed. I wanted to believe them.

***

I stalked him for a while in a popular social networking site. We exchanged text messages now and then but I was too proud so I never asked him to take me back. I reminded him of the money he owed me for rent. The text messages stopped. A few days later, it became clear he was avoiding me. I left him an email. I said I didn't know your dignity was worth so little, the price of a cheap apartment. I deleted his number from my phone. I wanted him out of my life.

***

Three years later and my friend Chuck informs me that Daniel has two movies. He went to a website and pointed them out. I read the plot. It was porn masquerading as art. I laughed and told Chuck that that is the saddest thing I've ever seen in my life. Chuck also told me that he sees Daniel in a bar near Greenhills. He's with the new guy, a stand-up comedian who makes the rounds of comedy bars around Manila.

***

A month later, Chuck tells me he has more news. Daniel has a sex scandal. Apparently, my friends have all seen it but they didn't want to tell me. So I watched it, and concluded that it was not a big deal. The video showed him and his current boyfriend. I noticed he still had that impish smile, but also that he was starting to look old around the eyes. My friends and I agreed his boyfriend was cuter.

Mike asked me how I feel. People who break up, I told him, end up in unspoken competition with each other. To win, you need to have a better life. I told Mike I'm pretty sure I've won.

31 comments:

  1. impish smile. hehehe. I like this so much, "To win, one should have a better life." I remember a friend too who quoted that, "Beauty is the best revenge." Mine though is, "Winning is bringing home the better looking boyfriend." :)

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  2. You won the break up, for sure. I am also that kind of person who might not seek revenge on someone who broke my heart but would silently rejoice if I have a better lot than my exes.

    I got stuck on the second paragraph. There can never be love for me if the sex isn't mind-blowingly awesome.

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  3. in psychology, they say that those who have been dumped end up happier.

    @demigoddess, i agree with the sex part. if it's not mindblowing, it's not a match. hahaha

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  4. "People who break up, I told him, end up in unspoken competition with each other. "

    Too true, alas.

    And yes: living well is the best revenge.

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  5. moving on without bitterness and being happy for the other's fortune is a sign that one's happier sans the other. the good thing with love is it we can find it in multiple persons so it's not like running out of love after a breakup :) cheers to you!

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  6. ''To win, you need to have a better life''

    one should be happier by his own. richer. achieved more. and ofcourse, gets a boyfriend who's better looking than the ex and the new bf of the ex..:))))

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  7. @everyone: thanks for all the comment love. Commenting is sexy.

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  8. "i was too proud..." "I reminded him of the money he owed me for rent." ... one must fundamentally be responsible for oneself. no one is responsible for us but us... (and when I say us I mean our feelings, emotions, and mistaken images of others...)

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  9. i posted a quote from this entry on my tumblr! i hope you don't mind :)

    aminordetail.tumblr.com

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  10. @hungthemoon: sure, my pleasure. i'd love it if you link to this site na rin so people can read the original post. thanks!

    @enil: i'm glad you found the post worthwile. :-)

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  11. i am completely at loss for words. i've been roaming the blog world looking for something like this. and, bullseye. thanks.

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  12. @shane: It's always nice to find someone who finds meaning in your work. Thank you.

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  13. you made the right move.^^
    love the way you write.
    can we be friends?

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  14. Reading your posts is always always worthwhile, keep it up :))

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  15. I think you win. You're such an interesting writer, I need to leave before I spend the rest of my afternoon digging through your blog! Thanks for stopping by mine

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  16. @Krizia: Will do. Thanks!

    @Jenni: Hahaha. You're welcome to come back anytime.

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  17. I adore the final paragraph of this piece. Very well done, and congratulations on your win.

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  18. ang ganda nga,u deserved to win this!

    hay many lessons learned,like you,kaya never involve money on the relationship,kasi pag masyado naging trusting,wala na...it happened to me too...

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  19. Ah, "The Who Ends Up More Miserable Competition."

    You should thank that new guy for taking care of your, uhm, garbage.

    Congratulations!

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  20. Some people don't make it to our future lives, for a reason :) good one!

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  21. Referred to this post by today's post (sept 18, 2010) found you through Girl Diagnosed. I'm glad I did! Awesome read! You deserve the prize!

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  22. Wow ... what an awesomely wonderful piece. Congrats on the win. It is truly well deserved!!!

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  23. To win is to have a better life, I like your writing style, simple yet so capturing, glued to my seat while reading this.And Congratulations on winning the price.
    Bleeding Healer

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  24. im starting to fall in love with you.

    -129

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  25. @Magus, Canadian, Bleeding Healer and Tamika: Thanks!

    @Anonymous: Hahaha. That's sweet.

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  26. i spent a summer with my now closest friends we labeled the broken hearts summer. broken as they were there is much to say about friends and making it the best summer of our lives!

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  27. "People who break up, I told him, end up in unspoken competition with each other. To win, you need to have a better life."
    -so true...
    the opposite of love is not hate...its indifference... its feeling nothing for that person...
    And the best revenge to those people who made you wrong is to make them see in the future that you are so better off without them in your life...=)

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  28. like this post so much. it's really difficult nowadays to find the person who's really worth your while and would treasure you not because of what you have but because of who you are.

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