Monday, August 30, 2010


A couple of weeks ago, my boyfriend Jt surprised me at my apartment with a box of Royce chocolates. I was studying for the bar examinations then, so I wasn't expecting him at all. Also, in the almost 3 years that we've been together, he'd never done anything like that, so it was a pleasant experience.

(Back story: He told me about an old date who used to surprise him in his apartment with flowers. I jokingly asked him why he'd never done anything like that for me. He said I've always told him I never liked flowers. I told him it wasn't that I didn't like flowers, in fact I love them, I just don't see why you'd give them as presents when they would die in a couple of days anyway. Hence, the chocolate, and the surprise. I think he thought of it as a compromise.)

So, anyway, there he was, and I practically squealed like a little girl (which, uhm, I normally do not do.) Many hugs, many kisses, to the probable embarrassment of my younger brother who lived with me, and his then visiting boyfriend. Still, who cares? It was a nice gesture in a relationship that had existed for practically forever (at least for me, my relationships before had a short shelf life.)

Anyway, I told this story to a few of my friends. My friend Chad told me that that was cool, but then segued into an annoying ritual a co-worker of his did with his boyfriend.

Apparently, the officemate loved to update his status in Facebook with mushy messages and public declarations of love directed to, of course, his lover. Which should be okay, except he did it everyday. They also sent each other flowers everyday, trying to top the bouquet the last one gave to the other, until the most current bouquet grew to three dozen.

My friend said that, though he thought they did love each other, these public declarations of affection were more of a show for other people, and not really a sincere effort on their part to show appreciation for the companionship one offered to the other. I agreed at first, but now I think I must qualify. It is probably both. They wanted to show appreciation, and they wanted to show off. But who cares? That is what happiness does. It makes you goofy and mad.

We also agreed that it's probably not a good idea to do something like that everyday. At some point, it loses its value, and the person whom you shower such presents would stop thinking of them as gifts, but would consider them as entitlements. Which would not be a good thing. It's one thing to show appreciation, and another thing to spoil.

Anyway, a few days later, Jt showed up again on my doorstep, this time with a loaf of banana bread from Cebu from this quaint bakery which I adore. I still appreciated the gesture, but there was less fanfare. I told him about the discussion I had with my friends, and he said he agreed. He confessed that he was debating in his head earlier whether to surprise me or not because he didn't know if I would appreciate the gesture as much. I told him he can surprise me anytime he wants, and that for both our sakes, I would be the appreciative boyfriend every time.

Photo taken here.


  1. Dear Fickle,

    Thanks for visiting me at Oz Tucker. Your story reminded me... My Dearly Beloved, who is now dearly departed unfortunately, for my last birthday with him, made it really special. It was a surprise party with friends and beautiful little gifts. Now this might not sound too special - but he was never that big on the gift side of things.

    I didn't know it was to be my last birthday with him. My birthday was in May and we only knew things were seriously wrong in the following December. However, in retrospect, I think he knew. I think he knew that something was up within (it was a brain tumour).

    Tomorrow will be our 47th wedding annivesary - but he has not been here for the last 21.

    All the best with the bar and the writing.

    Blessings and bliss

  2. one narrative clarification: are you a family of gays?

  3. good thing there was no blade in sight, else i would've cut myself. hahaha

    this is so sweet! :)

  4. @miss eagle: Thank you for the wonderful letter. I appreciate it. :-)

    @ flight: Nope. Just me and my younger brother. We're a pretty big family.

  5. I come from a family of gays. i ask because i have a friend who is an oldest brother and one of his younger macho brothers started wanting to go the gay clubs with him, adding his gay friends from fb, etc., etc., and he freaked out. only one gay permitted in his family. hahaha!

  6. Doing that every day not just loses its value, it's also a big waste of money. :/

  7. Everybody now, awww... Sounds like he's a keeper.

  8. at least somebody exerted effort to surprise u ryt? the thought that someone took time to make u feel special is comforting...

    be happy as always.tnx for visiting my site

  9. Keeper!! Keeper!! Keeper alarm! ;)

    Hahaha...even Nathan feels tht giving presents too often causes it the act to lessen in value!!

    N then it feels more like a burden to the ppl involved....and just not financially!!

  10. oh i wouldn't complain if my boyfriend does that to me. i love royce.
    chocolate covered chips = happiness

    and your brother is gay too. cool

  11. Awww... that is so sweet, your boyfriend.

  12. Aww that's lovely, I love sweet little gestures like that. It just puts a smile on your face for the rest of the day! :)

    Hazel xxx

  13. @flight: I can totally relate to that. Hahaha. My brother and I keep to different circles of friends though.

    @jnana: I agree.

    @james: Thanks!

    @rico: Thanks for dropping by!

    @phunk: I think so too. Hahaha. And I'm glad you agree.

    @orally: Royce is the best! I love the champagne ones.

    @Happy Surfer: Thanks. It was. :-)

    @angel: It does, doesn't it? Sometimes it is all about the sweet little gestures.

  14. *giggles*

    i can feel na next time sa harap ng friends mo ka nya isusurprise. lakas ng kutob ko. hihihi

  15. and now, i am craving for royce chocolates. :))

  16. aw you are one very lucky guy. can your boyfriend come give my husband a lesson or two in thoughfulness i've been married 18yrs and haven't even gotten a candybar much else chocolates or flowers. but it's cool just do me a favor never take for granted the small things and always be thankful and tell the ones you love that they are loved and you appreciate them because we are not promised tomorrow and so you may not get the chance.

  17. @Nimmy: Hahaha. Tingnan nga natin kung magaling ang kutob mo.

    @Rianess: Sorry. Hahaha. Royce!

    @Becca: Thanks for the touching message Becca. And we do try. :-)

  18. lucky guy i say. i am very partial to the gift of banana bread. :)

  19. Some flowers can last for nearly two weeks! Depends on the florist I guess.

    And I agree, when gift giving becomes too frequent, it loses that special feeling. But its nice once in a while. Especially during exams or when you're stressed!

  20. hi
    you sure have a lot of stuff in here. random, fickle: great representations in this world.

  21. I totally get your point about the flowers. My grandparents used to give us silk roses every V-Day because "they last forever, just like our love for all of you."

    I think surprises are awesome, though. Not so frequent that you start to EXPECT them or anything, but like once a month is great. And only when it's something different. It would be really boring to get a box of chocolates every time, but your boyfriend did it right when he brought you something different for the second surprise. But not everybody is into surprises like I am where you jump up and down on the bed every time you get one.

    And thanks for being the first person to ever leave me a comment.

  22. thx for commenting on my blog!!
    your blog is awesome, i read your random fiction, and it was really awesome in a confusing sort of way :P
    but very deep. i liked it; it made me think.

  23. I admit I am guilty of wanting to show the world how much I love someone. I guess it's because you're so happy and in love you want other people to have it too. You want everyone to be as happy as you are. There is a certain point though where public gestures are too much, which that work mate definitely crossed. Thanks for commenting on my blog. :) I loved your poem by the way, especially the line about speaking in riddles to disconnect the meaning from our mouth. I really connected to that.

  24. Just curious.. How did you find my blog?
    (to jog your memory, you commented about Justin Bieber.)

  25. That was so thoughtful of him. I think it's good that the two of you came to an agreement on the gift-giving as well. My boyfriend and I do little things for each other ever so often, so the little acts of appreciation don't lose their spontaneity. I have a friend who was dating a guy for four years, and he went to school 12 hours away. She used to send him care packages nonstop, from candy to clothing she randomly saw in stores and thought of him. He seldom (if ever) received gifts in return. All our other friends chastised him for being a "bad boyfriend" for not returning the favors, but in my personal opinion, while they were nice gestures, I blamed her for the overkill.

  26. Correction, *she seldom received gifts in return. Apologies.

  27. honestly, i can't stand people who are overly mushy on facebook! i have nothing against being in love but please spare the world the mushiness. maybe once in awhile is okay but everyday would leas me to hide your status messages from my newsfeed forever! hehe.

    but yeah i agree with you that surprises once in awhile are best. it makes those surprises even more special :)

    thanks for visiting my blog!

  28. That is so funny that you say that about flowers...I have ALWAYS said that. But I too get giddy when I get them! So funny. I always love food gifts!

  29. that girl: Thanks! :-)

    A: Well, I like flowers so if I'm getting them as gifts it might be be better to give me potted ones that are still alive. But I didn't know they could last a couple of weeks.

    kitchenmorph: thanks!

    Chanel: I love surprises. Even if they turn out to not be much of a surprise. And no prob.

    Kaleda: Thank you! :-)

    Arwen: Thanks! You're the first one to comment on my poem. I appreciate that. :-)

    Ally Cat: I really can't remember. I just like random blog hopping. It gets me to all sorts of places.

    Miss Meg: I think the problem with that situation, because it's so lopsided, is that it might foster resentment as well. Well, at least I know that would be what I would feel.

    Lianne: I agree. And thanks for dropping by!

    Nay: I like food gifts better than flowers. I don't really mind getting flowers, I'm just averse to the idea of paying for something so ephemeral. :-)

  30. I agree- gift giving is something that is meant to be special- not an everyday thing. It looses the sparkle- the sweetness- the surprise of it. My husband rarely if ever gets me jack crap. Mostly just the "required" holidays are when he usually remembers to toss something my way.

    My first love who I had known since age 4 gave me the best gifts ever. He was a few years older then I but when I turned 10 he took me on a trail ride that ended with a picnic. 14- promise ring. 15- secret weekend trip in the adirondaks. 16- became engaged. 17- every time he was on leave (joined the military) he would get me out of school with roses and chocolates and trips to fancy places to eat and new gowns etc to wear to them. God what a man. Phew getting all crazy thinking about him- top it off he was a true gentlemen - wanted a "True" white wedding for me. Before I graduated he was lost to me- we ended it and then years later after I married he came back stateside and we found eachother again- but now it can only be friendship

  31. isa lang ang masasabi ko. ANG GANDA MO TEH!

  32. so sweet i hear bees buzzing! =)

    well we do not really need public declarations..we are not politicians. =)

  33. naks naman!kakainggit!

    keep it going,keep surprising each other para mas exciting at mas lalo nyo pa mahalin isat isa...

  34. i smiled when i read the word royce. :)

  35. @mama sky: Beautiful story. It broke my heart a little bit.

    @arian: Thanks!

    @paci: Hahaha. Sorry. And thank you.

    @mac: Thanks. We try to, at least.

    @the geek: Royce! :-)

  36. Thanks for visiting my Old Forest blog and i love your comments about having an Old Forest sign in case we forgot and thought it was a new one ;-)

  37. Well aint that sweet! Once, my Mr Lover Lover, The Canadian, surprised me with a big bag of delicious cashew nuts.
    Not impressed?
    Would it help to know that he is SEVERELY allergic and could drop dead at any given breath of nut-particle-contaminated-air? I think so.
    He's just so thoughtful slash disregarding of his own well-being.

  38. @Marilyn: No problem! And thanks!

    @Corianda: Lovely story. :-) Nothing says "I love you" better than almost dying I say.

  39. OK, so do I get to name the baby seal I've just saved by following your blog?!?!?! This post just made me do it!!

    Happy travels!

  40. Well, at least you haven’t over-analysed the situation.
    Have you taken your bar exam yet? I think that you’re going to be very good at cross examination.

    Have a nice day, Boonie

  41. Thank you for visiting my blog, and for your kind comment. I love your writing. I enjoyed the way you wrote about your almost one-night-stand...beautifully written and sensitive. ~Kathy

  42. thanks for the comment on my blog. :)
    it really made my day. i thought i should tell you thou, i didn't take that photo. it's one i found on google images.

  43. Hey, thanks so much fro following me=) Your blog really is awesome!!!! I can't wait until I reach your level!!!

  44. @Bling: Hey! Welcome to my blog! :-)

  45. chocolates personally delivered "just because"?! I love 'just-because' surprises!
    I agree with James, he's a keeper ;)

  46. Straight-ish: I completely agree. :-)

  47. that's really sweet surprise. no amount of money can buy that amusement you had.
    keep the love alive! ♥

  48. @Red: Hahaha. Go ahead.

    @Paper: Thanks! :-)

    @Anna: No prob. The sentiment was still lovely. :-)

  49. I like receiving flowers but since I am a gardener, my special friend gave me a flowering plant instead. This was four years ago and I still have the plant, which flowers every two years.

  50. I think I'll enjoy flowering plants more than actual flowers. At least it's not dead. Hahaha. Thanks for reading!



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