Thursday, October 28, 2010

Musings


The first time I told JT I loved him, he asked me if I knew what I was saying. It was too soon he said, and he was afraid I was too caught up in the moment, not realizing the full extent of what I said, the commitment underlying the simple declaration. He told me that maybe I made a mistake, that maybe I didn't really mean what I said. He gave me an opening to take it back.

I didn't, because there was no need to. I loved him then, and whether he loved me back wasn't the issue. It was the truth and I needed to say it. I thought that he loved me (and he did) but more than that, I needed to take stock of what I felt, and I realized my pride was a small price to pay for something as important as having his love.

And this is what I learned: we sometimes sacrifice the possibility of our happiness for the illusion that our arrogance has more value than what it is really worth. Why do we put too much importance on our pride? Our dignity and self-worth are not necessary sacrifices before the altar of love, but our pride, at least the part that teaches us the lie that no one is truly worthy of us, is.

It is necessary to put up walls sometimes, but it is rarely a good idea when it comes to love.

***

Love is not sacrifice, and it is a mistake to equate the two. Love is not the annihilation of the self, and to believe that it is necessary to lose one's individuality in order to satisfy the whole is to mistake love for slavery, and to love is never to be a slave. Love is the elevation of the self, where the sum of the parts are greater than the whole, but the parts are already whole in themselves. If you are looking for love idealizing the emotion as the pinnacle of self-sacrifice, then you are not really looking for someone to love; you are a slave looking for a master. You are incapable of love; an incomplete man or woman cannot claim to love someone when they are incapable of loving themselves.

***

You laugh at the idea of soulmates because the concept was not written in a dusty book that a bunch of old men has declared was true. You emphasize the silliness of the belief in a one true love, because the belief wasn't repeated every week for an hour at a day declared to be sacred. You admonish the difficulty of believing in a kind of love so lacking of proof, thinking how silly it is to believe in something so utterly untrue.
 
Yet in the same breath you talk of faith, and how faith necessarily means believing in something that has no proof. As if faith was a concept only applicable to a religion thousands of years old. As if love wasn't older than the religion you so easily profess your faith to. 

I'm not saying you're wrong. I'm just hoping you appreciate the irony.


Photo taken here.

50 comments:

  1. Love is a scary thing. Thats why you gotta take the leap :) right?

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  2. if love were an easy thing, there'd not be so many songs written about it.

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  3. I did not tell my husband I loved him until I meant it, even though he had told me he loved me sooner. It wasn't a big deal. Both of us were fully aware that he had fallen in love quicker than I did. I think that people may say it before they mean it so there isn't too much pressure, or they feel obliged.
    I fully believe in Soul mates, because my hubby is mine. Im trying not to be all mushy but we just "got" each other. It's hard to describe, but it all just clicked into place, it just felt...right.

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  4. Your blog was recommended to me by a friend and I have to say that I love it :)

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  5. @ryu: completely agree. :-)

    @jobonster: or poems. Hahaha.

    @sprite: I don't think that's mushy at all. It's sweet. :-)

    @disguise: Hey! Thanks! And welcome!

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  6. it seems like you're engaging in a debate with a Dominican priest.

    Hahaha

    I found the post before this really cute, i just didn't comment. You make me smile, FC. Thanks for blogging.

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  7. @narnian: awww, you're the best. :-)

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  8. Beautiful words, as usual! You make a great point about faith and love as well...

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  9. I think I've seen you on my blog though :O

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  10. It hurts when your in love with someone who doesn't love you back.

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  11. Deep. I really like the first little section. I totally agree that getting things like love out there is the way to go.

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  12. You are such a good writer, and totally agreeing ;o;

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  13. I like your blog. Thanks for stopping by mine!!

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  14. with my fiance I was scared to say it, and he had to pull it out of me, but I am glad I finally did say it...:)

    amberlashell.com

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  15. Love means many things and I use the word love a lot. You can love someone in a day. There is never too much love in our hearts...he is lucky to have your love!

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  16. FC: I just read that post and it made me feel all weird and tingly because it's exactly how I feel about my husband (and he about me, I believe). We make each other more than whole, but are also complete without one another.

    Thank you for the reminder :-)

    JX

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  17. This probably the first blog post I've ever read online that didn't make me roll my eyes. I think too many people equate codependency with love because they don't have an understanding of what could be possible.

    Hell, not sure I even do.

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  18. Love is not a sacrifice ... so true. As for the last bit I'll go one step further and say flat out ... they ARE wrong.

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  19. As a Christian, I do "appreciate the irony" of having faith...unless your talking about real day-to-day stuff (i.e. relationships, money, health issues, etc.) The irony makes no sense because a lot of so-called believers simply don't believe. That's why when their world falls apart, they fall apart with it. Personally, I pray for the faith to believe in the unseen (hope that makes sense). If not...wouldn't be the first time. LOL.
    www.snookeredblog.com

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  20. i agree with your message. i was once a victim of those 3 little words that i've underestimated its power.

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  21. Honestly the thought of true love is nice but I'm scared that I'll never get it, I gave it up, or that I'll lose it. Love is a very tricky emotion and it always seem to hit hard and stay with you.

    http://theadorkableditzmissteps.blogspot.com/

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  22. thats a nice story, more please :)

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  23. Wow. It couldn't have been said better.

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  24. I believe in love and dispite the repeated kicks to the crotch that I got, I've always held a soft spot for love. Someone told me, whether you fall in love once or 100 times in your life, love with everything you have. Way to be Fickle!!!

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  26. It made me think about the real meaning of the relationships and love in general...
    Very nice! I like it!

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  27. "... my pride was a small price to pay for something as important as having his love." This is a great and powerful insight. Nicely done.

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  28. The biggest lesson I have learnt is not to judge new relationships by the baggage you have accumulated in your past. This certainly worked when I tried it 8 years ago. Though I fell in love first and declared it first we are both still together today. Really enjoyed this post.

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  29. I really appreciate what you wrote.
    It is true, and yet we refuse to believe it sometimes.
    And love is not the place for the pride to show, its just like, let your feelings show.

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  30. love drives me crazy. it's a tough bitch!

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  31. Love will always be love! good article my friend!

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  33. Love is often a word used blindly. I'm glad to hear that you stood by your decision to declare your love without fear of it being not being returned. The term is often abused. You are brave.

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  34. Hope you are happy!
    And I like your blog!

    http://cheap-wholesale-business.blogspot.com

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  35. Been there, done that
    but still struggling
    as everyone
    Probably that is the essence.

    Love and faith are held fast by me.

    Joy always,
    Susan

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  36. Love, love, love this post! Spot on with the points about love NOT being about self sacrifice. And I truly appreciate what you've said about soul mates...how easily that idea is dismissed, but it isn't any different than the notion of "faith" in the mainstream religious communities.

    Your blog rocks. I like some blogs because they are like candy for my brain (amusement). I think your blog may actually be nutrition for my brain (as in, sparking thought!).

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  37. Hi FC, thanks for stopping by my blog.
    Are you a published writer? Your writing standard is very high and refreshingly honest.
    I particularly like the post that you wrote about your younger brother coming out; it was very moving.
    Bazza’s Blog ‘To Discover Ice’

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  38. What a fragile sentiment. I'm so glad I'm beyond that stage. There's nothing to be afraid of. We love, we don't love. We love each other today, tomorrow not so much. Life changes us. I've been married 35 years. There were moments when I know I was not in love with him. Won't speak for him, but the feeling returned because I wanted it to.

    Nice blog. Thanks for stopping by mine and leaving a note.

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  39. and I think love is renewing so it replenishes itself and is always there to share if we choose to be brave and give it away. Your words are lovely...

    Thanks for visiting my blog.
    http://bbonnieblue.blogspot.com/

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  40. "I love you. I am telling you right now because it feels right. You feel right."

    Another brilliant post, ang galing talaga.

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  41. You are awesome. :)

    I have a question. Will you risk friendship for love?

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  42. @bazza: not yet. working on it though. hahaha. thanks!

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