Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Rules are Like Super Important (Rule-breaking too)

When I first started dating as an openly gay man, I turned to television shows for rules. Because I felt that rules were important. And because I had no clue what I was doing.

So, you start out with the "no kissing on the first date" rule, which really just works on the heterosexuals (I'm not sure about the lesbians). Gay guys are like bunnies. Kissing is important.

That rule transformed into the "no sex on the first date" rule. Which I managed to follow for a time. Until I realized that gay guys are like bunnies. Sex is important. (And I'm a gay guy, just to remind you).

Which metamorphosed into a third rule: "I will only have sex with you if I like you" rule. Which I've broken so many times it became crazy-stupid. Gay guys are like bunnies. And it gets worse when you're drunk and in the mercy of beer goggles.

Then I stopped having rules altogether. Which is a disaster. Not having rules is an invitation to heartbreak. You fall in love and emotionally connect to soulless automatons that vaguely resemble humans, and break the hearts of good people just looking for someone to connect with. So, we're back to square one. Rules are important.

When I met Jt, I had made up another rule. It was the "I will not get into a relationship with someone while I'm in law school because I will break down and cry from the pressure of both school and the relationship and I don't want to have a nervous breakdown and I promise to the universe this will only be about sex" rule. I broke that one. And I've never been happier.

So what's my point? My point is that dating rules are important. But make sure they never get in the way of your happiness.

Here's another one. I really can't make up your rules for you. No one can.

Photo taken here.


  1. Hmm when you posted this, a famous movie quote came to mind.

    "hang the rules. They're more like guidelines anyway."

    Awesome post. Thank you for sharing.

  2. Haha. This made me laugh.

    The only rule really is the gay-guys-are-like-bunnies rule, more of a fact really. :P

  3. hahaha. nice one!

    i love following rules. stiff ko talaga. :)

  4. With regard to not letting rules get in the way of your happiness, one of my most significant relationships to date was with someone that I broke all the rules. Sometimes you just have to listen to your heart ... or your inner bunny!

    xo The Empress

  5. That picture made me laugh!

    Thanks for the great post.

    Oh, and I can't believe that reading my blog really is the highlight of your day?? WOW :) That made my whole DAY :) WEEK :) MONTH :) Thanks :)

    Sorry, I'm kind of over-using the smileys, aren't I? :)

  6. @BeMistified: I love the quote. Thanks. Will google the movie.

    @Tony: Hahaha. Tried and tested fact.

    @Nimmy: Well, you're in a perfect and loving relationship. Sari-sariling diskarte talaga. :-)

    @Ranter's: Totally agree. Besides, bunnies are cute.

    @Mizz Ali: Hahaha. It is true. I've never read a blog with more personality. And I'm okay with smiley faces. I tend to overuse them too. :-)

  7. Oh, I love this post. It made me smile.
    I love how sincere you are. :)
    Thank you for the comment.


  8. "Rules are more like guidelines," favorite quote from Pirates of the Caribbean. :) Looks like you have a nice blog here!

  9. thoroughly enjoyed this one

  10. I used to live by a shit load of rules! Don't shave your legs so you won't have sex on the first date. Long pause in front of a door so he can open it for you. Don't answer on the first call and wait for the second...all crazy rules that I got from my "FRIENDS"...

    but now I just play it all by ear and use my gut to guide me...

    and that's how I got my boo now!

    p.s..everyones a freaky bunnie...just some keep it a secret more than others lol

  11. Pardon my French but fuck rules, they don't get you anywhere in life. Follow your heart my dear, and THAT will get you places. I love this post, I smiled throughout the whole thing =D

  12. "Gay guys are like bunnies."

    Love it! Dating should be fun; the rules are just there to make you feel like you're not losing control. Ah, the little lies we tell ourselves when we're falling head over heels.

    You have such a delightfully snappy way of writing. And your post before this one is extraordinary.

  13. Okay, here's what I got from your rules: Gay guys are like bunnies. From my rules I got this: Straight men are like bunnies. BUNNIES. Ok. got it. Thanks! -J

  14. Sometimes we let go of rules because we are happier breaking them rather than following them. Nice post, will read older ones.

  15. After many years stumbling through failed relationship after failed relationship I made some changes in my rules a few years back. After all if you are single you have never been in a TRULY successful relationship right? And if you are dating or married then that current relationship is the only successful one. Kind of a negative way of looking at it, but it does hold some truth.

    Anyway with my current girlfriend I resisted the temptation to jump right into a relationship instead taking things very slowly. To the point where she wondered what the fuck was going on. But in the end it worked. Thats not to say it would work for every situation, it did for us. I guess thats the point.. you need to be able to alter your rules to fit the person you're dating NOW.

    So then are they really even rules?


  16. are all lawyers prolific writers? I loved Misterhubs' writing (he stopped, too bad).

    I REALLY like this post. Good one, FC. You make me want to take creative writing classes. :)

  17. Gay guys are like bunnies. Rules schmules! Good for you for sharing your dating experiences. I like!

  18. Ah, you're good. Keep on posting.

  19. i, too, have my own set of rules which includes the one here -

    the guy who made me break it is now my partner for almost a year.

  20. Guys, as a whole, gay or straight, are definitely like bunnies. But rules for me are immaterial. Rules are expectations of yourself, the other person and the situation. And as we all know, expecations will just make us frustrated if the results come out to be different than what we imagined it to be. That's my two cents.


  21. Haha the funny thing about rules is that the context is always different. Right now, you are happy you've broken your last rule and I hope it will be so for a long time. I was in the situation you're in in terms of that rule a long time ago, but as soon as we broke up, I felt like I should never have broken that rule. So it's always different with the times. What's my rule? Be myself... haha

  22. Gosh guys I love you all. I'm always thoroughly entertained by your comments.

    @Falen: Totally agree. The nerdy looking guys can surprise you especially. ;-)

    @Talia: I love French. Hahaha. Thanks!

    @Genevieve: Thank you very much. I appreciate that.

    @Julianna: So everyone's a bunny I guess? Hahaha.

    @Jonathan: I hope you enjoy yourself. And welcome.

    @SD: I think Pragmatic Spector answered that one for me.

    @Narnian: Creative Writing classes are fun, but overrated. Read a lot. Then write a lot. That's all I learned there. Everything else is self-taught. But it is fun so you should go try it.

    @Cinderita and Stories: Thanks!

    @John: It's all about context I guess. And I hope for the best for you and your partner.

    @Lasherations: There's some wisdom in that. I agree.

    @Pragmatic Spector: Yup, I'm pretty sure it all boils down to that one rule. For everyone. :-)

  23. In my next life I want to come back as a gay man...way more fun and a lot more sex!

  24. FC, that's also what my long reading list is telling me. hahaha I need to make more time for my reading.

  25. wow I've never read a more open post in my life...I'm sort of shell-shocked. But yay another open gay person, I think gay guys are just awesome.


  26. Yeah, following the rules all the time can be detrimental to one's well-being, as I'm starting to figure out myself. It's good to have rules, don't get me wrong, but sometimes you just gotta live a little, which the rules don't always allow for.

  27. I love, love, love the lesson at the end.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog. :)

  28. lol. in my case it's always the opposite. i always kiss and have sex on the first date. btw, RULES for emotional things, how ridiculous! :D

    i always do exactly the opposite of what my head says. i know it's illogical. but it's also more fun.

  29. On the dance floor of a club, I can really dance (I think) but during dance lessons, I totally suck. I don't quite get the steps. So what gives right? I just realized lately that dancing is not about following rules, but following the principles of dance. And when I follow the principles, things happen for me.

    Thanks man. You're fantastic, too. =p

  30. After all.. rules are meant to be broken.. else.. wherez the fun?

    Awesome posts man.. keep up wid ya good work

  31. erm.. i had stopped setting rules for myself ever since college, when i noticed that i just kept on breaking them. i just do a pros vs cons when i get to the forks.

  32. My dear fickle friend,

    One quote for you:
    "Rules were meant to be broken."

    Great post! :)

  33. I'm sorry, I didn't see Aflame's comment just now. Same quote-great minds think alike! Just to let you know and adding on, I heard that quote from my mum.

  34. Haha, Love the bunnies. We're all bunnies at heart. Great blog! Thanks for stopping by mine:)

    You're definitely a follow!

  35. @brooke: Hahaha. I wouldn't know. I've never been a heterosexual girl, so I really can't compare. :-p

    @narnian: I have the same problem. But I have an excuse. Bar exams!

    @felicity: Hahaha. Sorry. If you're already shell-shocked with this one, wait until you read the others.

    @jeffrey: I completely agree.

    @allison: No prob. Thank you too!

    @reckless: Hahaha. Your online name suits you then. :-)

    @v: Thanks! Spread the awesome.

    @aflame: Thanks. I'll definitely do that.

    @exflame: Like I said, whatever works right?

    @Nes: Hahaha. I always use the great minds quote myself.

    @Terry: No problem. And thank you!

  36. so you are a happy bunny now?
    Just kidding,
    rules are meant to be broken. Stay happy.

  37. well i have learned to valueable lessons from this post one all rules can and will at some point be broken. number two gay guys are like bunnies which is making me view bunnies in a whole different light. anyways thanks for a wonderful post and for a giggle.

  38. I only obey the rules that I make :) I have a deep seated loathing for rules that other people try to make me follow!

  39. There are really no RULES. Just follow whatever your heart dictates ; p
    Thanks for dropping by!

  40. lol. you made me laugh. thank you. you're so honest and i like you.

    rules are just meant to broken so just follow your heart. stay happy fickle cattle.

    oh by the way, thanks for dropping by at my blog.

  41. Dude; you need some simpler rules! (lol) Only a lawyer can make something this complicated.

    I like the female/male rules - since they sway in my favor and all that.


  42. Your post made my day. You have no idea how much I relate.

    I feel petty peddling my blog, but I have a rule about doing it whenever I comment.

    here's the link:

  43. No Rules = Total Chaos! LOL! :D
    You're a brilliant writer FC!
    And thank you for dropping by my site.

  44. It good to have rules to set boundaries. Rules can get really complicated though :)

    Thanks for the visit to my blog.

  45. as they say:

    the golden rule is that there are no golden rules


  46. Gay guys are like bunnies? lol, can't stop laughing :)

    But its so true about rules u know... i guess u only need them at the beginning, to keep you a lil sane, prepared and guided. Once ur on the path, you don't need em'! Then its your heart and gut that you blindly follow!

  47. Hey guys! As always, thanks for the comments. :-) I like that everyone seems to like bunnies.

  48. Absolutely right - there are some rules/laws we all have to live by, but for our personal happiness we make our own guidelines. I like the bunny analogy - fortunately, it doesn't go as far as the bunny aptitude for reproduction:-)

  49. Haha gay guys are like bunnies! I like how many times you mentioned that. And I agree dating and relationships shouldn't be about rules, it is all about going with what you feel.

  50. hahaha rules are really made to be broken..:)

  51. True dat' Rules are important :-)

    As the great ( and fellow Irish!) GB Shaw said...

    “The golden rule is that there are no golden rules.”

    One to live by me thinks ;-)

  52. Rules are made to be broken!! hahaha :))

  53. @everyone: Since I do not want to repeat myself, I just wanted to say thank you for all your comments. :-)

    @jabblog: Hahaha. True that. Otherwise, overpopulation will be a truly mind-boggling issue.

  54. I love rules - but mine usually melt when submerged in red wine. lol @ Julianna's comment - I agree.

  55. All rules are there to be broken.
    If they couldn't be broken, they wouldn't be there.

    If you obey all the rules, you will miss all the FUN. LOL

  56. I love this. I totally agree and I wish this made sense to more people I happen to surrounded by in my small(minded) community.

  57. Some rules can be discarded."like bunnies" and "gets worse when your drunk and at the mercy of beer goggles", just cracked me up. I don't think that's just gay, honey, I think it's being young and single in general: )

  58. Great post! Definitely good to have rules. . . but only as a guideline - I agree, don't let rules stand in the way of your personal happiness!

    And I couldn't help but grin when you used the bunny analogy. :) Look forward to reading more.

  59. This was really cute.

    I love gays. The town I live in is full of AJs, miner workers, tradies andbusiness people. Apparently one of the most rascist and homophobic towns in Australia. But we are now having a gay&lasbian mardi gras here. not quite a big parade, but numerous smaller celebrations for the gay community. And they fucking deserve it. Very passionate about gay rights and equality.

  60. @ahmer: Super agree.

    @libbets: Here's to hoping the small-minded people realize it's better to be more more open-minded. More fun at least. :-)

    @mom: Hahaha. I'm sure. I mellowed once I got older.

    @ayami: Thanks!

    @simone: I love gays too. Hahaha. :-)



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