Monday, September 6, 2010

An Open Letter

Someone wrote what probably may amount to a suicide letter in my Formspring account. I didn't know how to answer it, so I decided to ask you guys for help. I'm not posting her whole letter here or in Formspring. I don't want it to become public. What I will do is post some of my thoughts.

Please feel free to comment and show support. Nothing inappropriate please. I will delete those immediately. Also, if you want to contact her directly, you can check my Formspring profile. Thank you.

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To you who wrote to me about your life:

I'm definitely not qualified to answer this, but I will, because you wrote to me, and you made your situation somewhat my responsibility. My first instinct is to tell you to talk to your family or a professional, or to a very close friend. You need help, and it will be easier if you are not alone.

Here are my thoughts. I'm not sure if you are asking for my advice, or why you would, but I will give it anyway.

First, do not, under any circumstances, attempt to kill yourself. Life is too important and wonderful. It may not seem like that way now, but it's true. Grow up a little. Experience life more. Fall in love. Real love. Not just with people. Fall in love with things, experiences, ideas, places, yourself. There is too much to live for. Why would you want to end it?

Second, forget the small stuff. Forgive my lack of sensitivity, but when you grow up, these things you've just written to me, you'll forget about them. They will be unimportant. Right now, they may feel like the most important things, but they are not. They are a footnote to what hopefully will be a happy and fulfilling life.

Third, you talk of courage, but killing yourself is the coward's way out. Living life, choosing to be happy? That takes real courage.

Fourth, don't let your happiness be dependent on the approval of someone else. You choose your own destiny. Be yourself, and be happy for it. Everyone else in unimportant.

Fifth, you are loved, even if you don't feel that is true. Don't break the hearts of the people who love you.

I guess that's it. I don't really know what else to say. I just wish you the best in life, and that for your own sake, you find contentment and happiness.

44 comments:

  1. Hey Fickle, can you somehow ask this person if she'd be willing to talk to me? I have personal experience (as in, 3 suicide attempts) so I would love to talk to her if she wants to ask me anything. Either way, that letter is heart-felt but i don't think being logical (telling her the important things are unimportant in the long run) would work well. If anything that might've cut you off as someone who could empathize with her. When I wanted to end my life I just wanted to know if someone saw the things I did and felt the emotions I felt. There's no need for another grown-up

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  2. @pragmatic: The last part of her letter is in my Formspring profile. You can contact her from there. Thank you.

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  3. This is a great letter to read to oneself or to others just as a reaffirmation of life for everyone who is feeling down.

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  4. I sent her a "question" on her formspring but it didn't show up on her profile... I'm not tech savvy so I have no idea if I helped or not. I don't know if i should go to bed any time soon just in case she gets the urge

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  5. I have been very down many times in my life but never did i think of taking my own life. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

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  6. That's pretty scary to think about to be honest. She reached out to you as a small cry for help and that's kick ass that you are attemping to help her.

    and suicide have never been an option for me...but not everyone thinks like me or has my life...

    she just wanted someone to hear her out...maybe that's what she needs

    maybe no one listens to her or her cries for help and you were her last option...

    we find someone to be a real SHOULDER to cry on and she might be fine

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  7. I just hope she still has the courage to open her mind to other options and read your post. I know for a fact that problems (unless it's a terminal disease) will pass.

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  8. I strongly agree with the last point you gave. That's what I always tell the people who ask me for an advice regarding suicidal thoughts... The feeling of being unloved is the root of all suicidal thoughts, but the truth is, there are many loving people around... Support is very important and at such times, I know that your letter would mean a lot.

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  9. we are so much more than one possessing complex! it really is much better to let it kill itself and remain living. but there is nothing I can really demonstrate from here to prove such a statement. on the other hand, I don't really know enough about your particular situation to know what would drive you to e-mail someone else your suicidal thoughts. I would recommend finding someone who can provide support and a sense of security that you can share your feelings and thoughts with without fear of judgment or disclosure (like a therapist).

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  10. We are not qualified to deal with this. I think she needs professional help.

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  11. i think you did right - thoughtful, well-meaning, positive. but i agree with ex jason. this is best left in the hands of professionals.

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  12. @ex-jason: I completely agree.

    But, also, I couldn't just tell someone to seek a professional and then go on with my life as if I didn't just receive a heartbreaking letter and that she didn't just cry out for help to a complete stranger in a very public space (my Formspring account), can't I?

    I mean I could, but I wouldn't be able to sleep at night.

    So, this is me doing what I can, with the tools I can use to do what I can, in the very limited way that I can.

    Still, I hope she does seek a professional. This is very much beyond me.

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  13. I wasn't feeling down when I read this, but just reading it made me feel better and positive about myself !

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  14. Logic probably isn't the best motivator for someone in her position, but to be fair it's hard to know what to say in such a situation. Good on you for trying to help. I hope she's alright, but I suspect that she is. She just needs to know that even though it doesn't feel like it right now, things will be ok. She does need to reach out for professional help, to clear the fog in her mind. You did the best you could.

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  15. yeah, we are not in the right place to say this, but the only person who could help her is her parent. She should know that, we are not prefect being, there's always have up and down moment in our life. In whatever circumstance, should speak out rather than hinder in the heart.

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  16. Hey :) I've been meaning to drop by and leave a comment, but I don't think I ever got to it. Thanks, for your words of encouragement. :)

    This is nice of you taking time to reply to what sounds like a very sensitive note on your Formspring. I pray she feels a milestone lot better after reading this and discovers that someone cares enough to put in the effort, that it's certainly worth a life :(

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  17. There's news of a mother who committed suicide a few days ago. I hope it wasn't her, though I know it makes no difference. But maybe if I read this earlier... In the end, I only knew of her.

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  18. I think you did a wonderful job, and that you don't really need any help from us. There's nothing more you can really tell her. Everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) goes through this once in their life, and they really just need someone to tell them its going to be okay. I really hope that she listens to you, and I'll be praying.

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  19. Thank you everyone for the comments. I hope she gets the chance to read them.

    @didinskee: Wow, I really really hope not.

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  20. This person is emotionally devastated. She hurts and it is overwhelming to her. Suicide may be on her mind, but she's reaching out for someone to listen to her, to understand where's she's at, to empathize with her, to hug her and let her cry. She doesn't need lectures, a list of what she should or should not do, judgements or told she needs to get help. She's already trying to get help and you are the one she chose. She knows you from your expressions of feelings you write, she feels she can trust you and open her life up to you, that you'll understand. You may ask everyone else what they would do, but she's reached out to you. Life gets messy sometimes. We don't always get to chose what will pop up in it. A responsibility has been put on your shoulders whether you like it or not, feel qualified to handle it or not, or even think you want it or not. Make the time. Get a conversation going back and forth with her, and feel...feel her pain and go from there with your feelings.

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  21. That's the best answer that anybody can give, that reply is amazing.

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  22. i agree with you completely. sometimes we feel life is no longer worth living but that is not true. there is so much to live for....

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  23. She needs professional help and treatment. There is nothing you can say to her that will make her feel better, though it was very kind of you to try.

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  24. I attempted suicide in high school. It was like I wasn't actually living my life but was watching it from afar. My mom made me promise her to never try it again. Ever. I somehow came to my sense to make the promise. Years later when I was suicidal again, I never acted upon it, because all I could think about was that I'd made a promise that I wouldn't. It quite literally saved my life, and I'm so very thankful for Mom's insistence that I promise her I wouldn't hurt myself.

    Unfortunately, my teenage nephew committed suicide 2.5 years ago. The anguish the entire family felt over it is indescribable. We held our collective breath for several months knowing that one suicide will often trigger another. Thankfully, nothing else happened, and we know that my nephew never would have done it, if he'd have only known how much it devastated everyone he loved.

    I hope and pray the young woman can hang tough until things in her life turn around, and I pray you find the words she needs to hear, if she contacts you further.

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  25. Very wise advice here. She should seek professional advice. There are times when I have felt really, really down and have taken over-doses before, but luckily there has always been someone there for me to turn to.
    Sometime something like this is a cry for help, so I would definitely talk to her and try to get to the bottom of why she is feeling like this.

    Thank you for your comment on my blog. I try to offer a place of peace and tranquillity there!
    Hope that we meet again!

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  26. i would hope this person would really think before taking away something so fragile as life. i mean it breaks my heart because here is this person wanting to take the very thing i fight everyday to keep i hope they truly stop and reconsider for their sake and those who love them.

    http://becca-mycrazystuff.blogspot.com/

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  27. Hey, thanks for stopping by our blog & I wanted to return the favor. Looking forward to exploring your blog & getting to know you.

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  28. Of course professional help is needed. Unfortunately, calling a phychologist isn't usually the first thing a person does when they hit rock bottom emotionally. That is why suicide prevention hotlines were set up. She could be directed towards that possibility, if she will take it.

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  29. your words to this person are beautiful.

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  30. this is really deep and heartfelt,
    i think it's really sweet that you wrote that

    courtneygermain.blogspot.com

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  31. Ok. Guys, please be easy on FickleCattle as well. Being logical and giving a list is the best he thought of. It's actually something that he got worried already. He's not a pro, you know. He's a writer.

    Anyway, FC, I hope Pragmatic was able to talk to her. We all had our suicide moments and I think that it's good that she's letting it out. She may be seriously thinking about it, but her mind itself fights it - that's why she asked for help.

    Obviously, the girl is not emotionally smart or self-aware. But I hope that a listening ear has already let her known that people do care. Even strangers. Even fickle cattle. (Holy cow!)

    Cheer up man. =)

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  32. @v. you make an excellent point. one of the problems of taking on healer/helper/listener as fickle has done here, is that he enters into a transference with someone who is suicidal. he doesn't have training to handle a suicidal person or the transference. although we are looking to the suicidal person, the real danger lies with fickle. this perhaps returns us to the question of what helping really is.

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  33. Oh my goodness. What a scary thing. I hope she can continue to reach out and get the help she needs.

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  34. From someone who has actually thought of committing suicide, the best thing someone wants to hear is that people will miss them if they go through with it. So that way, it's not just about them anymore. It's hurting other people's lives.

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  35. @anonymous: that doesn't necessarily help anything. guilt is not an effective treatment for psychological problems especially if guilt handed out by her family is part of the cause of her problems.

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  36. Hey, wow, all I can say is, that's wonderful. It's great that you simply care for her, though I'm guessing you probably don't know her? I do hope somehow it'll get better.

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  37. That's really nice for you to take the time and gather ideas to help out a stranger in need. The world lacks people who does this much for others. =) Keep it up. :)

    How do I check your formspring account though? :P

    - Jozelle
    (http://jozellegabriel.blogspot.com)

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  38. Hey Jozelle! Right side of this page. Click on the ask questions part. Thanks!

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  39. I think you gave great advice and I think she came to the right person. Praying she is better now. :)

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  40. Hi FC, thanks for checking out my blog! It's nice to see someone in the world who cares enough to respond when someone needs help. <3

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  41. well this page may have given her some small relief, the best coping resourse is to give her another humang being to talk with.

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  42. Wow. That's some situation you were put in. I think you handled it well.

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