Thursday, March 3, 2011

Three Stories

Three stories about relationships and honesty.


“I left him because he was cheating on me.”

“How did you find out?”

 “You just know.  It's...I can't explain it. The way he seems so fidgety when I catch him surfing on a computer late at night, or when he tells me he's visiting his parents and it felt like a lie, or when he's just uneasy around restaurants or public areas. A lot of small things really. They just added up into this one huge thing. Then I checked his phone messages and found out for real.”

“What did you do?”

“I told the guard at my apartment building to never let him up. I then called him and told him I was breaking up with him because he was unfaithful.”

“And?”

“Well, it’s not as easy as I’m telling it right now. It hurt like hell at the time, and I had to grieve in my own private way, but I needed to do it you know? For myself? In the end, I realized my dignity was more important.”

***

“When I found out about it, I honestly didn’t know what to do. At some point, I felt like I wanted to kill him.”

“But why did you stay?”

“Because I love him. And he reassured me that at the end of the day, I was still the most important person in his life. The others were just flings. Random encounters.”

“You believed him?”

“Well, yes. I know it sounds silly, but I really do.”

“Ok, I respect that, but how do you feel?”

“I feel hurt a lot of times, especially when I don’t know where he is, or why he isn’t texting, or when he says he’s out with friends. I also feel paranoid and insecure. But I love him, and the idea of him leaving me…I can’t stand it.”

“How about the idea of you leaving him?”

“Honestly, it never even crossed my mind. Well, maybe once or twice. But mostly, I just feel grateful he’s there.”

***

“Cheating is only cheating if it is against the rules in the first place. When you both accept the idea that it is impossible to be in a monogamous relationship in the first place, without either or both parties straying at some point, then the easier everything will be. You just have to make allowances really.”

“That seems awfully cynical.”

“And true. Honestly, for me, I wouldn’t really mind if my husband strayed as long as: a) I never catch him, b) he doesn’t get some girl pregnant, and c) he doesn’t come home with some venereal disease and infects me with it. Ignorance is key.”

“I think you just broke through the cynicism meter here.”

“Well, guess what? I’m not kidding. And frankly, I’m content and generally happy. At the end of the day, it works for me. And really, that's all anyone can ask for in a relationship. Whatever works for you.”

“But what if you find out?”

“Well, I’m keeping my fingers crossed that never happens.”


Photo taken here.

32 comments:

  1. At one point in my dating career I was part of that first category. Fucking cheaters.

    Now,I'm fluid on the idea of monogamy.

    However, my long term partner is very committed to the idea and my love, devotion and respect for him keeps me a monogamous gal.

    Oh, and thanks for stopping by my blog!

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  2. Also, I just read your 'About Me' section.

    The bit where you said that you sometimes treat strangers kindly and family cruelly reminded me distinctly of a poem I read on another blog I follow, so I just thought I'd share it.

    http://thetroublewithpoet.blogspot.com/2011/02/unsaid-while-you-were-angrily-cleaning.html

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  3. I honestly don't know how I would react if I was cheated on. I would be hurt for sure, but I think I could rationalize the cheating like in your post, telling myself that as long as it's just sex and no love is involved I could live with that.
    However, I think I would not be able to completely trust my partner again, and that's the basis of relationships, isn't it?
    At some point, one has to make the choice between wanting it all or settling for what one has. The important thing is to make the choice that brings us real happiness, in my opinion. To each his own.

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  4. Cheating breaks trust. That is why it is called cheating. Once trust is broken then a relationship is forever fractured. Why settle?

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  5. I have been cheated out of a great relationship because if a cheater. I tried to stay with him and make it work,I in the end, I knew I loved myself too much to settle for a lifetime of worry and suspicion.

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  6. nicely done, three point perspective - I am going to try this out as an exercise.

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  7. Ahhh... the cheaters. Before meeting my current husband, I was somewhere in the middle of category 1 and 3. I knew there were other girls in Ex's life, he never really denied it, but at the end of the day he always came back to me, so I figured he would out grow it. Until he left for bootcamp, knocked up a stripper, and broke my heart.

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  8. Wow, I have been the Cheater when I was younger (http://normaltoeatpb.blogspot.com/2011/02/cheater.html), now I am mature enough to face my relationship problems instead of bedding other men.

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  9. i would rather be "dumper" then cheated on, although it has never happened to me, hopefully never will but what goes around comes back around

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  10. Ahhhhh definitely enjoyed this man. I remember my neo-childish days when I found myself in pseudo relationships, but someone a bit more attractive would arrest my senses and there I was wandering and leaving the one I was supposed to 'be with.' *sighs* those were the says...or so I thought. Thanks for commenting on my piece earlier...stay in touch. ~bloodspeaks

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  11. Those are three very different points of view...as it says, whatever works for you, I guess...

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  12. Your style of writing is so enthralling. I found myself clicking through many of your blogposts. I also really like the exchange of dialogue throughout this post. Dialogue is something that I'm still working on.

    p.s. thanks for visiting my blog and commenting. :)

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  13. I had a crush on a girl of the second type. Took me a year to realize she'll never truly see how she's fooling herself, she kept saying how she was going to marry him.

    I respect the first and third type. Not cause i hold a grudge against the other girl but cause at least they know what exactly they want from life.

    thanks for visiting my site and commenting btw.

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  14. I responded but my response was so long I had to write in three separate comments. I think I'm too lazy to copy paste in here ... (sorry)

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  15. hey fickle cattle!

    thanks for visiting my my blog
    no idea how you found it but thanks for taking the time to drop a comment.

    this post... got me sad. =/ this whole idea of 'cheating' is so alien to me. Although I truly understand why some may opt to cheat, I think it's always better to be 'a man' and just deal with your problems.

    Wait, that's a horrible example since men cheat, don't they? =p ah, how sexist of me. women are equally as bad! in all seriousness, honesty is the best policy.

    www.riskofrain.com

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  16. Thanks for reading my blog. It means a lot to me.
    Relationships are so varied. As far as I am concerned even thinking about someone else is cheating. Some men think that it is manly to show desire of sleeping with several gals but do not do anything as they care for their wives. Some cheat and some expressly go out with other women (in my faith men are allowed to have four wives but again women are allowed to leave them too).Most of the time people do not pracise polygomy as it is hard even to keep up with one spouse. If any one brings up the subject I simply tell them that they can do whatever they want to but they will have to deal with the consequences. My parents taught me to weed out unpleasant and un fair stuff from my beleif as there is no compusion in faith. So coming back to the subject I agree with RS Women cheat as well and it is just as ugly.

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  17. Three very real and very different reactions indeed. It is interesting that one person could have all of those scenarios at different times.

    Have a lovely weekend dear!
    Chic 'n Cheap Living

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  18. Hi there, Fickle Cattle-- this post is beautifully heartbreaking. Thank you for swinging by my little blog!

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  19. Wow. Very interesting. I always know I've read good writing when the writing seems effortless and natural, and this post was effortless writing. Easy for me to read. Awesome. I'm glad I found you.

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  20. “I feel hurt a lot of times, especially when I don’t know where he is, or why he isn’t texting, or when he says he’s out with friends.."

    I wonder if it wouldn't hurt if I know where he is, or he texts and says he can't text yet, or says honestly that he's out on a date....

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  21. Bravo. I have heard these stories myself!

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  22. I was with this guy long distance, we spent a week together, and he went home across the country. We both knew he wasn't feeling well and he fell off the face of the earth. I had no real way outside of e-mail to contact him. For months I had no word from him, other than him telling me he wanted me to "move on and be happy."...because he was recovering from a mental illness. I refused at first, of course....But after 6, 7 months of no word period, I was miserable and lonely...I assumed the relationship was over; he had broken up with me, essentially.

    A month later I met a guy by chance...No intention of romance or a connection or anything. And we're engaged now, 5 years later.

    A week after I started hanging out with this guy, the long distance relationship popped back into my life...I had to tell him I met someone...I was the "cheater"...When I told him he had told me to move on he told me he "really didn't mean it"....He was crushed and I felt terrible. I was the "cheater", because he had told me to move on, and I did....6 months after he told me to do so. I feel like I've been on that other side of cheating, and I feel so badly about it.

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  23. nice post! i enjoyed reading it. you're good.

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  24. effing brilliant. that is it. somethings we will just never know and that is okay.

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  25. Thanks for sharing these different points of view with us. Everyone should do whatever he/she wants until his/her acts doesn't hurt other people.

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  26. Ohh I like this ^^ Three different perspectives on the same thing. kinda reflects how each one of us has such opposing opinioins on life. And cheaters...argh. lol.

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  27. this really speaks to me i have been story one and two and my mum has been story two and possibly story three it must be genetic :P *sigh

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  28. i've met people who generally falls in every category

    and it's so pathetic that right now i belong in the 2nd

    but still doing my best to be in the 1st

    because i couldn't imagine myself being in the 3rd

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