I
was having dinner at a very nice restaurant in Greenbelt with Jt and a Playboy
(Philippines) model. I was pleasantly surprised by the girl's loquaciousness
and intelligence; she even gave me tips on how to prevent the worsening of my
eyesight. At some point, as conversations between adults usually do, the topic
shifted to sex.
"Oh
my god, can I just say..." she said by way of introduction.
"What?"
I replied.
"Wait
I have to tell the full story," she answered. "I used to date this
guy, half European, half African."
"Ok..."
"And
he's huge."
"Uh-huh."
"I
mean, huge huge. Like my wrist, dude."
At
this point, an image that I did not want to see popped into my head. I drank
some water.
"So,
you know, at the start of relationships where you're both like bunnies? Anyway,
after one week of hardcore you
know, I suddenly woke up with
this tremendous pain in my...vagina."
I
looked at Jt, whose forehead began to crease. Playboy model continued,
"Apparently, I have UTI, at least according to my OB. And I asked her if
size mattered and she said it doesn't. I was just worried that I might be
overusing it."
"What's
UTI?" I asked.
"Urinary
tract infection. Ok, imagine my mouth as a vagina."
That
wasn't really something I wanted to imagine.
"And
the walls of my mouth, or the vagina, has bacteria right? Well, what happens
is..." She looks around. "Think of this spoon as a penis. It scrapes
the sides of the wall of the vagina right." She makes a scraping motion.
"Then you move some of the bacteria around. If they go back, it's possible
that they are already infected. So, that's how you get UTI."
Since
my head was swimming with images of giant spoon-penises the size of wrists and
mouth-vaginas, I didn't realize immediately that Jt was starting to look sick.
"What's
wrong?" I asked.
"That's
so gross. I can't believe you're talking about vaginas."
"Well,
babe, vaginas are important. I'm sure the heteros and lesbians can't live
without it." Playboy model nodded in agreement. "Besides, that's where
you came from."
"Yuck."
"Oh
my god, you're so gay."
"Duh."
