In
the second year of my Creative Writing Course, I got one of my writing idols as
a professor. Huge guy, a popular columnist in a popular daily, who is probably
a shoo-in for a National Artist Award 10-15 years from now. I loved reading his
books; his writing style wasn't in any way similar to how I write, which tends
to be introspective and (slightly) feminine. His was macho and brooding, and
the images depicted strength and a certain heaviness.
His
class was "A Survey of Contemporary American Fiction", and of course
we studied "Catcher in the Rye," "The Great Gatsby",
"To Kill a Mockingbird", among others.
(Interesting
aside, the moment I read "Catcher in the Rye," I immediately thought,
"Oh my god, I am Holden Caulfield!" The idea lost its luster when I
learned that every other guy in the English Department thought the same thing.
It's not fun to realize you're not that unique after all.)
And
so I was eager to go to my first class, knowing that I would reach new heights
as a writer under the tutelage of a great master. I mean, and here was what I
thought, how can one not learn so much from a man as talented as him? The idea
was impossible.
But
then it wasn't. The first class was okay enough; we studied Shirley Jackson's
"The Lottery," where I disagreed in his assessment that it was a
great example of a short story that employs the "twist" as a literary
device. I said the employment of that tool has to be done gradually, with hints
made throughout the story, in order to make the ending surprising but,
ultimately, inevitable. I said Jackson used a sledgehammer, when she should
have used a chisel. He said I wasn't reading the story properly.
And
it wasn't that I disagreed with him all the time. It was just that I disagreed
with him a lot: in his point of view, or in his giddy appreciation of writers I
do not have the patience to read. But it did not in any way dampen my respect
for his talent. It did, however, generate my disappointment. And I learned, not
that long after, that disappointment almost always follows from meeting your
idols. They can never live up to your expectations.
Which
is not necessarily a bad thing. Idols are human too. In my case, I realize that
is what makes them excellent writers.
