Love: A Tragedy

It was a Saturday morning when I met him, in a popular gym along Ayala Avenue. I noticed him staring but he wasn't my type: too short, too thin, too bald, but Mike pointed out he was cute and that it is always a good idea to take a chance. So I said hi, we exchanged numbers. By the time I finished taking a shower, I figured he already left. He was waiting for me at the lobby. He asked if I wanted to have dinner.

We ended up in KFC. His name was Daniel. We stood in line and talked, and I noticed he had a nice, impish smile. Mike was right, I needed to take chances. He wanted to pay for dinner, I said I don't want to impose, he pointed out that I can always pay next time. Next time, I liked the thought of that.

***

We'd been dating for a month, and I remember thinking that this is what love is: passion, sex, joyful routine. His world was mine, and my world was his. He proposed marriage; I said don't be silly, but I texted all my friends. I was giddy, and there was a small (very small!) part of me that wanted to rub my happiness in the face of the world at large. My friends said they were happy for me. I believed them.

***

I was starting to notice small things that made me uncomfortable. He enjoyed attention (he was a struggling actor), and flirted with anyone with two legs. He expected me to always pay for dinner and dates. There was one time he borrowed money for rent. He never paid me back. And always, always, he wanted my time. I was never there for him enough, he said, and he was right. His world became too small to be my world; I needed more. We rarely fought, but the few times we did, he said my anger made me a monster. He said he has no idea what could set me off.

***

It was a Friday morning when I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. It was him. He said he found someone else. We lasted three months.

***

It was tradition: dinner with close friends as breakup therapy. They said they never liked him, he had the look of a gold digger. It was better for me to walk away they insisted. I drank some more vodka and agreed. I wanted to believe them.

***

I stalked him for a while in a popular social networking site. We exchanged text messages now and then but I was too proud so I never asked him to take me back. I reminded him of the money he owed me for rent. The text messages stopped. A few days later, it became clear he was avoiding me. I left him an email. I said I didn't know your dignity was worth so little, the price of a cheap apartment. I deleted his number from my phone. I wanted him out of my life.

***

Three years later and my friend Chuck informs me that Daniel has two movies. He went to a website and pointed them out. I read the plot. It was porn masquerading as art. I laughed and told Chuck that that is the saddest thing I've ever seen in my life. Chuck also told me that he sees Daniel in a bar near Greenhills. He's with the new guy, a stand-up comedian who makes the rounds of comedy bars around Manila.

***

A month later, Chuck tells me he has more news. Daniel has a sex scandal. Apparently, my friends have all seen it but they didn't want to tell me. So I watched it, and concluded that it was not a big deal. The video showed him and his current boyfriend. I noticed he still had that impish smile, but also that he was starting to look old around the eyes. My friends and I agreed his boyfriend was cuter.

Mike asked me how I feel. People who break up, I told him, end up in unspoken competition with each other. To win, you need to have a better life. I told Mike I'm pretty sure I've won.

*Winner of Summer 2010 Jotspeak Competition