Failure and Success

Here’s how I ended up in law school: I lost a bet with my dad. I told him that if he helped me finance a small business and it doesn’t work out, I’ll study law as a back-up. He agreed. The business failed, so I found myself taking an exam. Obviously, I got in.

My Writing Philosophy

One of the first lessons I learned when I studied Creative Writing (and something which my professors never taught me, at least not in the traditional sense) was honesty. Or the ability to write unflinchingly about what I observed. One of the biggest disappointments of my life was almost failing a writing class because I refused to be honest, and wrote what I thought the professor wanted to hear.

Crazy

I was with a friend a few years ago, eating white cheddar fries in Chimara, when, all of a sudden, I had an out-of-body experience. Nothing supernatural, mind you, only a vague but still weirdly acute sense of perspective I have never felt before. Everything just seemed so...arbitrary...and absurd. Does that make sense?

Mourning

I met Gino in first year high school. He was a transferee from another school, so it was the first time we met each other. We became seatmates, shared a couple of jokes, but were never really friends. I remember him as smart and articulate. He wasn't the best in class, but he was definitely above average.

Hope

I have traveled along the Vito Cruz Area for a while now, and have become acquainted with many of its old houses. I have a particular affinity for structures that have been ignored by the passage of time, and with these houses, even more so. They carry a connection to the past that, for me, is too important to be forgotten. They offer a powerful sense of history which gives hope.

Objectively Beautiful

My boyfriend Jt and I were lounging around his hotel room. I was flipping through channels so fast I could barely understand anything. He was reading a book. At some point we came across this toothpaste commercial which featured an Asian actor with dark skin brushing his teeth, going about his day, then dancing with a girl in the end.

Best news ever.

Got this in my email from Jotspeak:

Hey Fickle Cattle,

Congratulations on coming joint third in our summer competition! We had well over 200 entries and when it got down to the wire it was between you and one other writer for third place. In the end we awarded you joint 3rd because we found the two pieces of work so different and yet both so worthy of acknowledgement.

Thank you so much for entering. Love: A Tragedy really was a pleasure to read.

The prize money will be split between you and the other winner and awarded next week. If you are overseas I can send the funds via Paypal, or via cheque if you are based in the UK.

Talk soon,

Vix

I had to read it twice before I truly understood what it said. My piece, Love: A Tragedy, just won in a writing competition! Oh my god, I am so in love with the world right now it's not even funny.

Smiley faces all around. :-) :-) :-)

Check out my winning piece here.

Check out the other winning entries here.

For those not familiar with Jotspeak, you can check out the website here.

The Masks That We Wear

I was in a club in Makati with my friend Toph, looking down from a ledge at a large group of people dancing. Toph wasn't in a good mood, and when he's not in a good mood, he has a tendency to rant.

Favor

Ok, nominations aren't open yet, and I'm still not sure if putting this up to a vote is a good idea, but fine, I decided to do it anyway. I want to nominate one of my blog posts for "Top Three Posts" in the Philippine Blog Awards. The problem is that I can't choose between these four entries. So I'm asking you guys for a favor. There's a poll on the right side of the page, just click on the entry you like the most. If you don't like any of the four, or if you like another post I've written, you can leave a comment below. The catch is it must've been written sometime before September 1, 2010. Thanks! I really appreciate it.

Here are my top picks (click if you haven't read them yet):

Sometimes We are Lost

Real Men are Illusions. Macho is the New Gay.

Death and High School

Love: A Tragedy

Update: Sometimes We are Lost is the clear winner. Thanks guys.

Missed Opportunities

My first foray towards gay dating was through the Internet, in this chatroom known as #bi-manila. To give you an idea of how it worked, well, basically it was a chatroom. Random users put random personal ads on the main page, and if you liked someone based on his description of himself, you can send him a personal message. Then you chat privately. If you two mutually agree that you like each other, you usually trade pictures, and then meet in real life.

Nature and Healing

“Diretso lang po. (Just go straight ahead.)”

Rules are Like Super Important (Rule-breaking too)

When I first started dating as an openly gay man, I turned to television shows for rules. Because I felt that rules were important. And because I had no clue what I was doing.

So, you start out with the "no kissing on the first date" rule, which really just works on the heterosexuals (I'm not sure about the lesbians). Gay guys are like bunnies. Kissing is important.

That rule transformed into the "no sex on the first date" rule. Which I managed to follow for a time. Until I realized that gay guys are like bunnies. Sex is important. (And I'm a gay guy, just to remind you).

Which metamorphosed into a third rule: "I will only have sex with you if I like you" rule. Which I've broken so many times it became crazy-stupid. Gay guys are like bunnies. And it gets worse when you're drunk and in the mercy of beer goggles.

An Open Letter

Someone wrote what probably may amount to a suicide letter in my Formspring account. I didn't know how to answer it, so I decided to ask you guys for help. I'm not posting her whole letter here or in Formspring. I don't want it to become public. What I will do is post some of my thoughts.

Nightmares, Dark Creatures and Elementals

I used to love horror movies when I was young. I loved the feeling of my heart pounding in my chest, and my imagination whirling, looking for monsters within the dark corners of our home. I loved apocalyptic and dark, creepy movies that involved dreams; my favorites then were the "Nightmare on Elm Street" and the "Omen" series.

Dark Sky

When I was a sophomore in high school, the all girls' school next to our school decided to hold a dance. My tutor then had a niece named Samantha who was my age, so she asked me if I would want to go with her niece as a date. Except she didn't say date, she just asked me if I could go.

Disclaimer

This is going to be a quick rant so skip this if you don't like people dumping negativity all over your face. Thanks.

Coming Out (A Tribute)

When we were children, my younger brother and I never got along. "Like cats and dogs," everyone said, and it was true. It was mostly my fault, although I blame evolution. Older brothers, it seems, just like tormenting their younger siblings, and I was particularly talented at it.

One summer, our parents enrolled us at tennis lessons. Before going to the courts I told him that he's not allowed to speak with me, or be within two meters of my immediate vicinity. When he walked up to me sometime later, I told him to go away. He didn't talk to me for a week.